Couple time in a family dynamic
In this article:
- Quality adult time is healthy for the whole family
- Healthy family relationships are based on trust, respect, love and support
- Spend time as a couple, a family and on your own
One the greatest gifts you can give your children is to raise them to be confident, independent, well-adjusted and successful adults. This takes a great deal of time and commitment from both parents.
We often get caught up in our parenting responsibilities and the rush of modern life, from the morning scramble, through the work day until homework and dinner are dealt with in the evenings. At the end of the day we have little energy left for ourselves, let alone for our partner. We become so focused on our children and commitments that the marriage or partnership, which should be a priority, drops further down the list.
Building a strong relationship
Dr Stephen R. Covey, author of the book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families (Simon & Schuster, 1999) says that one-on-one time is retreat time for couples and is vital to a marriage and family. After spending time together, couples can go back to their families feeling renewed and refocused.
“The strength of this bonding in the marriage creates a sense of security in the entire family. This is because the most significant relationship in the family by far is that of husband and wife. The quality of that relationship truly governs the quality of family life,” writes Covey.
When children see a healthy relationship between their adult caregivers, they feel safe and connected and thrive in the positive environment. Healthy family relationships are based on honesty, respect, trust, love and support. Each person is given a voice and everyone listens and acknowledges that person’s viewpoint.
When children are given the opportunity to see first-hand how strong relationships are built and nurtured, they gain valuable tools and skills for their own relationships later in life. They learn that their parents value their relationships as partners, parents and as adults and citizens of a community. They are not solely parents but well-rounded adults with other interests and friends.
Couple time is important to:
- reconnect with each other
- focus on love and romance
- strengthen communication
- build and nurture a strong bond
- recharge batteries
- deal with issues and conflicts
- provide support during difficult times
Balancing act – couple and family time
- Stop the guilt
Working parents often experience feelings of guilt that their children are in school or day care all week and shouldn’t be handed over to a babysitter on the weekends to give them time alone. While you do need to spend time with your children, you also need to work on your relationship. Find a balance in the times you choose to be away from your children and the times you spend doing quality activities with them. - Connect after a busy day
Take a few moments before dinner to ask your partner how the day went and how they are doing personally. If there is something you want to talk about later, mention that you want to talk when the children are in bed. - Make it a date
You may not have hours of time to spend together but when you do get together as a couple, make the most of that time and enjoy your ‘date’. Switch off phones and communicate. You have already invested a great deal of time and effort in your marriage and partnership. Keep working at it to strengthen these bonds. - Go away together
Take time to work on the romantic side of your relationship by taking a weekend away without the children. A grandparent, family-member, friend or caregiver can be called in to help. Many parents feel guilty about this. Instead, see time away as an investment in your family. - Plan activities and alternate days
Plan a family activity where everyone gets involved, then alternate the time with a couple’s outing. For example, every second Friday night the family stays in to play board games or watch a movie together. On the alternate Friday, mom and dad go dancing or out to the movies or dinner. - Plan to spend time with your children individually
Build and strengthen bonds between yourself and your children by spending one-on-one time with each of them. Plan a father-son day or mother-daughter spa morning, then alternate with a mother-son and father-daughter activity. This helps to strengthening individual relationships within the family circle.
Stephen Covey stresses that these one-on-ones are where the real work of the family is done. “This is where the most significant sharing, the most profound teaching, the deepest bonding takes place,” he writes in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families.
- Go it alone
If you need time to sort out your own thoughts and feelings, it’s okay to take time out for yourself. An hour in a coffee shop away from your family, or a bubble bath while your partner watches the children is a wonderful way to recharge your own batteries.
References
- Dr Stephen R. Covey. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families (Simon & Schuster, 1999)
- Real Simple, part of the Time Inc. Lifestyle Network, www.RealSimple.com
- Parent Map, www.ParentMap.com
- The Spruce, www.TheSpruce.com