Dealing with substance abuse
How to help a loved one with an addiction.
When Sally* found drug paraphernalia in her 15-year-old daughter’s room she realised that she had been ignoring the changes in she had seen in her daughter’s personality. The warning signs were there … she just hadn’t been paying attention. In a similar way, Jack* always excused his wife’s drinking. It was only when she was arrested for driving under the influence that he realised he should have stepped in earlier.
* not their real names
Substance abuse
Drug or alcohol use often starts out as a way to relax or cope with life’s problems. The user will start off with small quantities of the substance, but the body soon builds up a tolerance. The user then needs to take more drugs or drink more alcohol to achieve the same level of relaxation or achieve a high. Once he or she is addicted to the substance, they develop a dependency and cannot function without it.
Should you get involved?
Yes, you need to face facts.
Whether you suspect or know for certain that a loved one is abusing drugs or alcohol, the first step is to face your own reality. Turning a blind eye to the situation, refusing to believe there is a problem, or even ‘assisting’ them by bailing them out of trouble or by giving them money won’t help your loved one in any way. The problem will only get worse, affecting personal and professional relationships and ultimately destroying lives if the person doesn’t get help.
Helping an addict goes both ways – you either ‘enable’ them to continue abusing the substance or you can urge them to get help. You may need to consider a ‘tough love’ approach. For more information about the ‘tough love’ approach go to www.toughlove.org.za.
Say no to more money, give them an ultimatum or lay a charge for stealing or abusive/violent behaviour.
Is the person using?
Look for signs, items and behaviour changes.
Sometimes there are no obvious signs that the person is using. Teenagers may be very secretive, going to great lengths to keep the addiction away from parents.
Here are some guidelines:
- If you do suspect a drug problem, look out for drug paraphernalia like burnt foil, small pieces of plastic wrap, plastic baggies, pipes, glass vials, empty bottles and cans (often hidden in the trash), needles or pill bottles.
- Mints or mouth wash, eye drops or sunglasses may be used to cover up the drug or alcohol use.
- Other warning signs and behaviour changes associated with substance abuse may be linked to the type of substance the person uses. Among these are: weight changes, blood shot eyes, disturbed sleep pattern changes, changes in appetite (eating more/less), asking for money or selling possessions, personality changes, mood swings (restlessness and agitation), angry outbursts, periods of crying, depressed behaviour and loss of interest in the activities they once enjoyed.
What should you do?
Speak to the person about the problem
- Choose your words carefully: “I think you have a problem with drugs,” as opposed to “You are a drug addict”. If you feel unable to do this on your own, ask a trusted family member or friend to be with you.
- Expect denial. Few addicts or alcoholics will admit to having a problem. Present them with facts – slurred speech, hangovers, behaviour changes and drug paraphernalia found.
- Be non-confrontational – keep your cool, don’t shout or lose your temper.
- Explain the dangers of abusing these drugs and the long-term health complications.
- Pledge your support and love through the recovery process.
- Suggest a consultation with your family doctor. If the person refuses to believe they have a problem, a medical doctor may be able to get through to them.
- You can also contact your medical aid and get authorisation to book a bed in a rehab clinic. Do this before you approach the person with the intervention.
- Drugs addicts and alcoholics often become master manipulators to a point where you may not even realise you are being manipulated. If the person gives excuses or promises to stop using, tell them that they will not be able to do this on their own and that professional help is needed. In the case of an adult, give him or her telephone numbers of places to contact for help.
Do you need support?
Yes, living with an addict takes a toll on family members.
If you feel that you are unable to cope, consider joining a support group for family members of addicts. These also provide knowledge and support for helping the person with the addiction. A counsellor or psychologist can assist you if you are struggling with feelings of guilt, for example.
Remember: if you or a family member is struggling with addiction, you can contact your employee wellbeing programme for counselling and advice on how best to proceed.
Organisations to contact:
South African National Council on Alcoholism & Drug Dependence (SANCA)
Website: www.SancaNational.org
Telephone: 0861-472-622
Narcotics Anonymous
Website: www.NA.org.za
24-hour helpline: 083-900-MY-NA (083-900-6962)
Alcoholics Anonymous
Website: www.aasouthafrica.org.za
National helpline: 0861-HelpAA (0861-435-722)
Tough Love
Website: www.toughlove.org.za
Head Office helpline is 0861-868-445 (0861 TOUGHL)
Resources