Sex and the new parent
If you’ve recently had a baby, it’s highly unlikely that your interest in sex will be what it was before the new arrival.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. There are things you can do to renew your flagging interest…
Give yourself a break
Your life has just changed completely – don’t beat yourself up if sex is the last thing on your mind. New mothers may find that breastfeeding, getting used to a new routine and pressure from a partner to have sex inhibit their sex drive. Respect your feelings, take your time and do what feels best for you. The less you worry about sex, the more likely you are to want and enjoy it.
Plan for sex
With much of your day dictated by your baby’s needs, it’s important to plan time for sex. You may look back fondly on the days when you could drop everything and have sex in the spur of the moment, but the reality is that you’ll now probably have to plan ahead. The anticipation, however, can add a nice thrill to your upcoming encounter.
If you’ve got babysitters, you may try scheduling a regular time during the week for sex. If you can’t find someone to babysit, plan around your baby’s schedule. If he or she takes a regular nap, use that time – just make sure you’re relaxed and rested too or sex may feel like a chore. If your baby’s schedule is unpredictable and you’re up for it, grab your partner the minute the baby falls asleep – you may discover some spontaneity after all.
Get help
Call on family, friends and neighbours to babysit so that you can spend some time with your lover. Consider ordering prepared meals – every minute saved is one you could be spending with your partner.
Respect your health
Try to get plenty of sleep, eat well and exercise. This will boost your self-esteem and probably make you feel desirable. And the more energy you have, the more likely you are to want sex. New mothers should do Kegel exercises. Strengthening your pelvic-floor muscles will improve your experience of sex.
Relax
You may not realise how tense you are until you make a conscious effort to relax. Take a warm bath, ask your partner for a massage or have a glass of wine. Easing the tension can make room for arousal.
Be patient
Once the baby is born, many women are surprised not only to find that their bodies don’t instantly revert back to normal, but that vaginal intercourse can hurt for some time.
Experiment with different positions: side-by-side and woman-on-top allow you to take more control. Use plenty of lubricant – your fluctuating hormone levels can dry up your natural lubrication.
Don’t feel you have to rush back into intercourse, even if your doctor says you’re ready. Experiment with other ways of expressing sexual intimacy.
Get away
Sometimes just getting away from it all does wonders for the libido. Go to a romantic resort, take a camping trip, offer to house sit for someone – just do something to get out of your own environment. If you can, bring someone along to watch the baby or find a sitter.
Communicate
As always, communication is vital. You and your partner are going through so many changes, it’s important that you share your feelings. Talk about your concerns, your desires, your needs, your preferences and your expectations.
Use resources
Whatever you’re feeling or experiencing, you’re not alone. Connect with other parents to get advice, suggestions or just a friendly ear.
– (Elna McIntosch, sexologist)