Wellbeing Of Children Of Divorced, Single Parents
Modern families come in all shapes and sizes – they no longer consist solely of a father, mother and their children. Kids grow up with parents in same-sex marriages, single-parent homes, homes with both parents who have never married, or homes where divorced parents are now both single.
A trend that has increased in recent years is divorced or single parents having sexual relationships without being married. This is called cohabitation.
Experts believe that cohabitation may put children at risk for instability. According to W. Brad Wilcox, Director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia, children are more likely to experience cohabitation than divorce as the rate of living together increases. He maintains that cohabiting couples are twice as likely to breakup and four times as likely to cheat on a partner than if the couple are married.
Another study by Dr Sheela Kennedy and Larry Bumpass, found that around 65% of children born to cohabitating parents see a breakup in their parents’ relationship by age 12, compared with 24% of married parents.
Cohabitation – Tips To Help Your Child Cope
Prepare
If you are currently a single parent and want your partner (whether the child’s biological parent or not) to move in, prepare your child for the change. If the partner moving in is not the child’s biological parent, make sure they have had ample opportunities to meet and, in the case of older kids, they are comfortable with each other. Reassure your child that the partner won’t take their place or that of their biological parent.
Communicate
If you are planning a child together or already have one, speak to your partner about your hopes and dreams for the future. You can both express your commitment to the relationship over the long term. If you are planning to marry, research suggests that getting married before the child turns three helps to build stronger bonds between the child and parents.
Discuss
Talk openly about how you both will approach parenting and what your expectations are. This is especially important in blended families where either or both partners have children from another marriage or relationship. Discuss how you will handle and resolve family conflict. Whether you live with your child’s biological parent or another partner, it is important that you present a united front in your parenting approach.
Establish
Build household routines that accommodate everyone at home. Make family and couple time a priority. Have meals together to discuss your day and air any issues that may arise. Give older kids a chance to voice their views.
If you haven’t yet moved in with your partner, consider the risks to your child if the situation does not work out. Ask questions about your child’s psychological and financial stability or possible academic problems that may arise. Weigh these against the advantages of living with your partner. Be sure to consider all avenues so you can move into your new life confident that you have considered your child’s needs as well as your own.