Relationships – connections with others
We take a look at various relationships – both healthy and toxic – and examine their impact on our wellbeing.
Relationships are the connections we make with others on various different levels, both romantic and platonic. A relationship may be defined as the way two people or groups feel and behave towards each other.
Relationships are like the ebb and flow of the ocean tides – they are ever-changing throughout our lives. Some are able to stand the test of time, others are fleeting but meaningful, some hardly make a mark at all.
Healthy relationships
These are healthy relationships that we share with loved ones, family, friends and colleagues. The hallmark of the relationship is positive.
Traits – love * honesty * support * open communication * acceptance * common interests * trust * sense of belonging * happiness * contentment *
- The relationship energises you – you feel confident and have the ability to be yourself with the person.
- You feel loved and needed.
- If you need to make difficult decisions or changes in your life, you turn to these people for guidance and advice.
- Your friends and family help you through tough times – you can count on them.
- Research suggests that those with strong, healthy relationships are healthier people and live longer lives.
What to do
- Good relationships need to be nurtured. Without an effort from both parties, the relationship may become strained.
- Show those you love how much you care by giving them the gift of your time.
- Make time to see your friends and if you are a couple, make time for each other.
- Married parents should make time to see each other away from the children.
- Parents should spend quality time with their children to build good relationships. If you have more than one child, make time to see them individually.
Toxic relationships
These may be healthy relationships that have faded or broken down over time or they may be the relationships you share with difficult people. The person may a part of your life in some way, but dealing with them creates stress and anxiety. The hallmark of the relationship is negativity.
Traits – lack of communication * discontentment * distrust * dishonesty * feelings of anxiety * controlling behaviour * hidden agendas * distance * suspicion * violence *
These relationships include:
- A strained family relationship, relationship with an ex-boyfriend or ex-husband.
- An estranged relationship with family – perhaps a parent, child or sibling which you no longer speak to.
- A friendship that has soured.
- A difficult relationship you share with a co-worker, your boss or perhaps a snooty neighbour.
- Any relationship where sexual harassment, domestic abuse or bullying behaviour takes place.
- Alternating negative and positive feelings – sometimes things may be better, at other times they are especially difficult.
- You can’t be yourself around this person – you feel like you have to be on your guard at all times. You put up a façade.
- In romantic relationships, one partner may be very controlling of another – monitoring movements, what they spend money on or whom they speak to. This can create anxiety in the partner who is being spied on and mistrusted.
- A difficult and/or abusive relationship can have a negative effect on your health. Stress can weaken your immune system and make you more susceptible to illness.
- You may experience digestive upsets, physical aches and pains, headaches or have trouble sleeping and experience feelings of anxiety and depression. See your doctor for a full medical check-up.
What to do
Is the relationship worth saving? Do you want this person in your life? Do you see a future with them? Are you willing to work to save the relationship? Consider seeing a physiologist, relationship coach or marriage counsellor on how to repair the relationship. There are some situations where you won’t need professional help. Perhaps the onus is on you to take steps to heal the relationship by talking things through with the person. Call them up and ask them to meet you for a chat. A neutral space, away from the public eye, like a park, is better than a restaurant where it may be difficult to talk frankly.
Can you repair the relationship? This may be the case with a co-worker with whom you no longer see eye to eye. Animosity between co-workers can impact on the team as a whole and it is in everyone’s best interest to clear the air. A mediator may be necessary to help maintain objectivity through the process. A senior manager or human resources officer can assist.
Is it time to move on? Some relationships – and some people – are not worth fighting for. You need to take stock of your individual situation and decide if you should move on. If you decide to break up with your romantic partner, having the support of friends and family can be helpful during this painful time. If you are the victim of domestic abuse or sexual harassment you have a right to speak out.
Resources
- Healthline – www.healthline.com
- Self – www.self.com
- Livestrong – www.livestrong.com
- WebMB – www.webmd.com